Testimonials ...
This is an excellent book. Rich with valuable information and compassionate guidance.
--Lawrence J. Schneiderman, M.D. Professor of Family and Preventive Medicine School of Medicine University of California, San Diego; and Faculty Affiliate of The Ethics Center, San Diego
 
A comprehensive, insightful, and surprisingly entertaining guide through the maze of end-of-life decisions. Its solid information and concrete recommendations calm our greatest fear: that complete strangers can intrude on our most intimate decisions, and worse--make decisions that are wrong because they are decisions we would not make for ourselves. Dr. Terman offers a close to ironclad strategy to preserve control at the end of life, even for those individuals who may ultimately suffer from severe brain damage or dementia. There isn’t a pitfall that his book has not considered, and solved! It also offers guidance for those who must now avoid the chaos that results from inadequate preparation for end-of-life challenges. This book is so good that our organization keeps copies at every office. It is a mainstay of the recommendations we provide our clients. Knowledge is power; read this book!
--Barbara Coombs Lee, PA, FNP, JD; Family Nurse Practitioner and Attorney; President and Co-CEO, Compassion & Choices; Chief Petitioner for the Oregon Death with Dignity Act
 
Dr. Stanley Terman has provided a very insightful analysis of the President’s Council on Bioethics’ report, “Taking Care: Ethical Caregiving In Our Aging Society.” His detailed suggestions for wording Advance Directives are very important. While it may be utopian to hope, as Dr. Terman proposes, that governmental agencies (such as motor vehicle departments) might require individuals to complete Advance Directives, it would be a major improvement over our present laissez faire policy of ignoring this issue. I am very supportive of responsible strategies to encourage individuals to complete such documents. The book’s final story, “She revised her Advance Directives from 16 to 86,” clearly illustrates how our views can change as we age and mature, and as our situation changes. Clearly, we need to update our Advance Directives on a regular basis.
-- Councilmember Janet D. Rowley, M.D., D.Sc.; Blum-Riese Distinguished Service Professor of Medicine; Departments of Hematogy and Oncology, University of Chicago; Albert Lasker Clinical Medicine Research Prize recipient.
 
Dr. Terman’s eloquent and at times deeply personalized account of the challenges of life nearing death offers a unique and useful vocabulary for our emerging national dialogue on end-of-life choices. At last, a comprehensive look at the medical, legal, and spiritual aspects of the dying process that explores the full range of patient options, while highlighting the often-overlooked process of voluntary refusal of food and fluid.  The BEST WAY to Say Goodbye adds depth and sensibility to an area that is rampant with controversy because of its perceived lack of common ground. This book is that common ground, making it a must-read for all whose diverse views make up the colorful “right to die” spectrum.
--Judith F. Daar, Professor of Law, Whittier Law School, and Clinical Professor of Medicine, University of California Irvine, College of Medicine
People now think that if they do not die instantaneously in a car accident or from a heart attack, they are going to be caught between two undesirable options -- either to be attached to machines for a very long time, often in a state of unconsciousness with no reasonable hope for recovery, or, at the other extreme, to commit suicide or get someone to murder you so that you can end it all more quickly.  In a wise, medically well-grounded, and even witty book, Dr. Terman demonstrates that there is a middle course of refusing tube feeding and hydration, which provides a way to die that is relatively painless, effective, legal, and in keeping with many religious traditions.  As such, this book is critically important for individuals, families, health care professionals, and public policy experts, for it really does point the way to The BEST WAY to Say Goodbye. 

--Elliot N. Dorff, Rabbi, Ph.D., Rector and Distinguished Professor of Philosophy, University of Judaism, author of Matters of Life and Death: A Jewish Approach to Modern Medical Ethics
 
Dr. Terman has accurately and respectfully presented the Catholic position(s) and his chapter on religion has much clarity and insight. His book will serve as a valuable resource for those who are seeking greater understanding of end-of-life issues. I particularly appreciate the values that he holds most dear – To do everything possible to learn directly from the patient what she or he wants; and to appreciate that one of life’s greatest joys – to be heard and respected – is especially true for needy and vulnerable patients in the last chapter of their lives when their most fundamental values are at stake.”
--John Gillman, Ph.D., ACPE Supervisor of Clinical Pastoral Education, VITAS Innovative Hospice Care, San Diego, CA
 
The goal of peaceful dying includes acceptance of death as part of life, to which it gives enhanced meaning. Dr. Terman’s approach is in harmony with the goals of Buddhist spirituality, as well as those of Hinduism and Jainism. His book is more than a balanced presentation of practical facts about the strategic, ethical, moral, religious, and humane aspects of one option to close one’s life – the voluntary refusal of food and fluid. By relating many stories, the inspirational potential of his message is enhanced, as each reader seeks his or her personal meaning. His use of relevant humor is welcome not only because we all love to laugh, but also because it widens the emotional impact of the book so it will have great impact on readers of diverse orientations.
----The Venerable Mettanando Bhikkhu, M.D., Ph.D., Buddhist monk and physician; trainer of doctors and nurses in Thailand in the fields of medical ethics, hospice care, palliative care, and healing meditation; Bangkok’s Special Advisor to the World Congress of Religion & Peace (advises the United Nations)
 
This book clearly covers the pros and cons of Voluntary Refusal of Food and Fluid and it compares this method to Physician-Hastened Dying. Dr. Terman shows how having information on both methods can allow a dying person to be prepared so that their dying is as comfortable, as dignified, and as humane as possible. If people were better educated about Voluntary Refusal of Food & Fluid, this method to hast dying would be more widely accepted, and it would take the fight out of the “pro-life” position since patients can do this on their own--without getting into quasi-legal methods and without the need for new laws to take effect. Many of the “pro-life” arguments would then be irrelevant such as, “Doctors shouldn’t kill,” and “Do no harm.” Dr. Terman’s book is important for terminally ill patients, their loved ones, and the professionals who wish to help them.
-- C. Ronald Koons, MD, FACP; Clinical Professor, Radiation Oncology and Medicine; Chair, Ethics Committee; University of California, Irvine Medical Center
 
I have worked as an emergency department physician for over 30 years and seen a great many people die... some directly under my care, others after  periods of care by my colleagues. What emerges from all this clinical experience? Two truths: First, we all must die. Second, some ways of dying are more painful to the patient and cause more suffering to the family than others. That is why Dr. Stanley Terman’s contribution is so important. My own father decided to leave this world by Voluntarily Refusing Food and Fluid. For him and for his family, it was a peaceful way to say goodbye, and consistent with our Christian values. This book covers every aspect of the subject. The medical aspects are sound, including how to make the process as comfortable as possible, and what to do if you change your mind. Dr. Terman also discussed in depth, the spiritual, religious, moral, ethical, economic, and political aspects. Yet the book is not just informative. It includes deeply moving memoirs and entertaining humorous tales. Always provocative, Dr. Terman’s book will stimulate people to think and to discuss how they might die in the future, so that they can make their lives more meaningful right now.
--Richard F. Prince, M.D., former Chairman, Department of Emergency Services and Vice Chief of Staff, Scripps Memorial Hospital, Chula Vista, California; Fellow and charter member, American College of Emergency Physicians.
 
You choose to make quality decisions for life, so in parallel you choose to make quality decisions for death . . .  if you are free to choose, of course.  After four centuries of understandable distrust, African Americans are wary of “healers” who make life and death decisions regarding them. Many remember the Tuskegee experiment as a classic example of the historical and hysterical pain of misplaced trust.  Yet Dr. Stanley A. Terman, a Diplomate in Psychiatry, must be commended for examining this specfic area in the context of other options of life and death. Also, the section of his book on religion is just awesome. It held me spellbound with its depth of understanding of our differences and our commonalities as we debate the issue of life and death. If any work should be required reading, this would qualify beyond doubt. I expect the demand for such a work of excellence will only escalate within this decade and beyond. I have personally used its insights in working with families and seen how they can bring great relief in the struggle to make “their best” end-of-life decisions.
--Rev. Cecil L. “Chip” Murray, Tanzy Chair of Christian Ethics, School of Religion, University of Southern California; and Pastor Emeritus, First African Methodist Episcopal Church, Los Angeles, California.
 
This book probes deeply into many questions that people have concerning their Advance Directives and decisions they must make in the terminal stage of life. Because of the clarity of its message and illustrations by memoirs, I highly recommend it for non-professionals as well.
-- Jerome S. Tobis, M.D., Emeritus Chair, Ethics Committee, University of California, Irvine Medical Center
 
Regarding the Declaration that Dr. Terman submitted as an affidavit to Judge Greer, who presided over the fate of Terri Schiavo:
Mr. Gibbs and I certainly appreciate medical personnel like you who were willing to stand by Terri [Schiavo]. The pro-death culture is becoming overwhelming in America. I pray that doctors like you will be able to stem the tide in the future. Thank you again for your willingness to help Terri.
--Barbara Weller, Esq., attorney for the Schindlers (Terri Schiavo’s parents); Gibbs Law Firm, Seminole, Florida
 
I am a healthy Christian, working full time at 68 and think that “The Best Way To Say Goodbye” is a godsend.  It is like holy water in a parched desert and I feel like a preacher getting out the word of salvation.  My parents, who looked like Clark Gable and Grace Kelly and were both Phi Beta Kappa’s. But my mother’s life ended in her 50’s after 10 years with Alzheimer’s disease. My father’s life ended in his 70’s after 17 years with Alzheimer’s disease.  Now, my husband has had Parkinson’s for 4 years. I know, definitively, what it looks like to wait too long so you can no longer access your once excellent mind to make choices about your end of life treatment. Dr. Terman’s book provides the background and strategies for successful advance planning.
--Eugenia Rush Gerrard, Marriage and Family Therapist, Encinitas, California. M.A., California State U. Sonoma; B.A. University of Texas at Austin;
 
Our family was confused and divided over what to do after Grandpa had a massive stroke that left him unable to speak. Some argued that he would want “to join” his wife of 74 years, who had recently died. Why would he want to live if he could no longer enjoy his previous active life or even the company of his grandchildren and great grandchildren? Yet some statements in his Living Will led other family members to believe he still might want to live. We all agreed to use the series of questions from the story, “A Time To Be Sure.” On three occasions, by merely indicating, “Yes” or “No,” Grandpa was able to assure us that he wanted to continue tube feeding. I was more surprised than anyone, but we all felt relief. Now we knew what he really wanted.
-- C.C., Seattle, Washington
 



 
     
  © Copyright 2006 by Stanley A. Terman, Ph.D., M.D. All rights reserved.